April Fool’s 5 Things

This afternoon jokester’s delight was originally going to be about 1 thing.

A while back, one of my favorite Europeans, Paul ‘wee ball pong’ Mort, told his email list about something you can buy and send by mail to a) arseholes you despise, or b) friends who’s balls need busted a bit – so to speak.

This is something I should have shared immediately with you because then you’d have had time to use it as an April Fool’s joke if you wanted.

So what’s the gag?

Dicks by Mail

Yes, Virginia, you can send a bag of pork-swords to anyone, anywhere in zee world.

*However, I take zero, none, no responsibility whatsoever for any trouble you personally get yourselves into for doing anything with this new (albeit funny) information.

Continuing on to the April Fool’s 5 Th…

What? You want the website for the dongles by mail? Dude, google it yourself.

Thing numero dos – Cablevision Systems wants to buy New York Daily News… so?… so, they valued the tabloid at $1, uno, a single dollar.

Damn! Even I’m worth more than a… er, nevermind.

Me thinks the tabloid editor is gonna wanna send a bag o’ dicks by mail.

Tres – US fast food workers plan to strike on April 15th…. so?… it’s the latest ‘action’ in a 2-year campaign for a $15 per hour wage and right to unionize. Excuse me while I p!ss myself laughing.

Good luck with that one; half the country will be in line at the post-offices to mail their tax returns while the other half laughs at them for procrasinating. Nobody’s gonna notice the non-strike. Besides, millions teeny boppers are more than willing to work at the burger joint for 7+ an hour and the Blue-hairs would like their morning McCafe and biscuits order to stay under the 4$ mark.

4 – Found out the office copier has a ‘mirror image’ function.

Cinco – This last one isn’t much of a joke, but as vague as it is, it sure could be one. IBM is investing $3 billion in a new ‘Internet of Things’ unit. Pffft, that’s nothing, as judge, jury and dictator of how things go here at Mind of Moose, I’ll invest $3 in a new ‘maduro of things’ as early as this weekend. And, that investment will promptly go up in smoke after the cap is removed from a Punch Maduro.

By the way, you’re more than welcome to invest in the informative silliness on the bookshelf here. Golden Rules, Havana Cigars, Boxload o’ cigar quotes… Take your pick, or don’t take any – it’s you’re call.

Editor’s note: Just before hitting send on this beast of an afternoon delight, i got an email reply from Dirty Uncle Morty clarifying the nickname i ‘heard’ – it’s 3 ball Paul, not wee ball pong.

Oops. It’s stuff like this that makes my halfdeafness a lot of fun.


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